Rescue Dating
For the Perfect Search
by Melinda Maximova

Relationship makeover

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Does your relationship need a revival? Just like an outdated living room, hairstyle or outfit, relationships can need makeovers too. If you are stuck in a relationship rut of passionless lovemaking, grunting communication, and grouchy interaction then perhaps you need to stage a relationship intervention.

As with any major overhaul, a relationship makeover will require that you have a plan. The following 4-step relationship makeover plan will help you get out of your current rut so you can repair, refresh and regain the feelings you had for each other when you were newlyweds. You’re never going to be newlyweds again but, in the way that an image makeover can make you feel years younger, a relationship makeover can make your relationship feel years younger too. The 4-step relationship makeover plan will help you revitalize your sex life, rejuvenate your communication, reconstruct your routine, reclaim your optimism, revamp your look and replenish your love so that you and your lover can enjoy the benefits of a well-seasoned relationship with out sacrificing the sparks that come from a new one.

4-step relationship makeover plan:

1. Take the relationship assessment quiz
2. Set relationship goals based on results from the quiz
3. Develop a relationship plan with measurable objectives to reach the goals
4. Relationship process evaluation

Step 1: Relationship assessment quiz

You cannot fix something unless you understand the problem. Understanding the problem requires assessing areas of need. The following relationship assessment quiz will help you identify areas that need making over. If you answer “no” to any of these areas, then you have identified an area of need.

1. I am happy with the frequency and quality of our sex life
2. I feel understood and listened to by my lover
3. I have fun when I am with my lover
4. I am excited about the future with my lover
5. I am visually attracted to my lover
6. I feel loved, appreciated and valued by my lover

If you answered “no” to any these questions then you need to improve those areas of your love life that are in the acronym, S-C-R-O-L-L.

S-sex, C-communication, R-routine, O-optimism, L-looks, L-love

Step 2: Set relationship goals based on results from the quiz

Once you have assessed and defined problem areas in your relationship you can then set relationship goals to repair the problems. Every relationship will have different assessment results. Using the above relationship assessment quiz we will create examples of relationship goals to improve all of the areas in the acronym, S-C-R-O-L-L.

Example relationship goals:

1. We will revitalize our sex life by increasing the frequency and quality of intimacy
2. We will rejuvenate our communication by sharing engaging topics and using active listening when problem solving
3. We will reconstruct our routine in order to shake up the current doldrums of day-to-day life
4. We will reclaim our optimism by creating a plan for our future
5. We will revamp our looks by giving each other an image make over
6. We will replenish our love by impressing each other with kindness, competence and chivalry/caring

Step 3: Develop a relationship plan with measurable objectives to reach the relationship goals

Based on your relationship goals create measurable, targeted objectives to help reach each goal. Think of objectives as steppingstones to reach goals. Objectives should be measurable in order to evaluate success. If you are unsuccessful in reaching your goal, then you will need to create new objectives until the goal is reached. The following objectives are examples for reaching each sample relationship goal.

Goal 1: We will revitalize our sex life

Objective 1: We will shop for sex toys together
Objective 2: We will make a sexy video
Objective 3: We will role-play 5 favorite fantasies

Goal 2: We will rejuvenate our communication

Objective 1: We will implement conflict resolution strategies when discussing 5 disagreements
Objective 2: We will interview each other about 5 intimate experiences
Objective 3: We will alternate playing therapists for 5 sessions each

Goal 3: We will reconstruct our routine

Objective 1: We will play music and light candles with wine instead of TV at least one night a week
Objective 2: We will sleep in the spare bedroom, or on the living room floor together, at least once a week
Objective 3: We will meet downtown for dinner before coming home at least once a week

Goal 4: We will reclaim our optimism

Objective 1: We will create a long-term financial plan
Objective 2: We will plan 10 things to do, or places to go, before we die
Objective 3: We will each sketch our dream vacation house

Goal 5: We will revamp our looks

Objective 1: We will buy each other a new wardrobe
Objective 2: We will select a new hairstyle for each other
Objective 3: We will join a gym and work out together for weight management

Goal 6: We will replenish our love

Objective 1: We will cook a candlelit dinner for the other, or wash the other’s car at least one a week
Objective 2: We will give each other a massage once a week
Objective 3: We will send a loving message to each other every other day

Step 4: Relationship process evaluation

Evaluating your relationship makeover plan is essential for measuring effectiveness. If each objective you created is measurable it should be fairly simple to determine if you are meeting them. Whether or not the objectives are helping to meet the goals however will need some further assessment. After completing each objective go back and re-take the relationship makeover assessment quiz. If you still answered “no” to any of the questions then you will need to rework your objectives to reach each unmet goal. If the answers have switched form “no” to yes” then you have accomplished your relationship makeover and your intervention was a success. If one of you is not willing to collaborate on the relationship makeover you may be in a situation where, much like a house that needs repair, a complete tear down is logistically more feasible than a remodel, and you may need to move on to another relationship with someone who is more willing.

Embarking on any behavioral change requires a plan and a systematic approach. The older people get the harder it can be to change. With age people become rigid, inflexible and set in their ways, relationships can be the same way. Your relationship makeover plan will need to include disposing destructive patterns and replacing them with fresh new approaches and attitudes. You will have to get out of your comfort zone and shake up the status quo. Although conducting a relationship makeover may cause chaos in the beginning, much like enduring messiness before a house remodel is complete, in the end your makeover results will speak for themselves. You may not be newlyweds anymore but you can sure look and feel like you are again.

For more information, contact Melinda Maximova, matchmaker with Perfect Search

melinda@theperfectsearch.com

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