Rescue Dating
For the Perfect Search
by Melinda Maximova

All of my male, VIP matchmaking clients are serious about finding long-term relationships and successful enough to afford my service—two things that women care about. Michelle was no exception. Michelle was searching for her Mr. Right when she walked into my office to join my candidate pool with Perfect Search. “A perfect ‘10’,” I thought to myself. She was a gorgeous 33-year-old woman with a face like Michelle Pfeiffer and big blue eyes, high cheekbones and long blond hair. She had an hour-glass figure which curved up from a tiny waist, and I thought I would have no trouble finding a match for her. She will be a “piece of cake,” I said to myself. But Michelle ended up being one of the first case studies I examined that clued me in to the Power Shift phenomenon. She exemplified the long string of dating failures experienced by many women in their 30s and 40s. So much so, in fact, that Michelle would actually become one of my hardest cases. As a beautiful woman, she suffered from the Princess Syndrome and mistook high self-importance for high self-esteem. She became a serial dater and, ultimately, waiting too long to have kids caused her to fall into frantic desperation. Her own sense of entitlement prevented her from landing her Mr. Right and ended up being her biggest downfall.

The Princess Syndrome

Michelle had been the prettiest girl in her high-school graduating class. Guys relentlessly pursued her as she enjoyed the power she had over them. She continued to serially date through her 20s, leaving one guy for another, and then another. She left each one for someone a little better until at 33, she realized she was ready to start a family and settle down. That’s when Michelle contacted my matchmaking company with the purpose of finding Mr. Right. ….

“Well, you have come to the right place,” I assured her. “My clients are high-powered, high net-worth men, who are also searching for the best. They have been superstars in their financial field and are now looking for the missing piece. They hire me as their personal headhunter to go out and actively recruit beautiful, grounded and intelligent women for consideration. Clearly, you fit into this category.”….

One client instantly came to my mind as an excellent match for Michelle. Edward had exceptional hazel eyes that looked almost turquoise in the sun. He was tall, dark, trim, handsome, and wealthy. He made his money in the hedge fund business in the late 1990s and expanded his wealth over the following years. Edward was a catch, and so was Michelle—a perfect match. ….

After their first date, Michelle knew she wanted to marry Edward. She phoned me in an explosion of giggles. ….

“He is so charming and so handsome, I wanted to suck on his eyeballs!”….

Edward was the man Michelle had been waiting for. At 39, he was still young and devastatingly handsome, well bred and self-made; he was Mr. Right. However, Edward didn’t fall as fast—after all he had so many options. He was young, handsome, rich, and available. Never married, he was waiting to be sure he found his perfect10 before popping the question. Michelle was 33, from a nice family, and he thought she’d be a great mother, plus, she was incredibly hot. Slowly, Edward began to picture her as his Mrs. Right, and though it took him 6 months to make up his mind, he finally proposed to her on her 34th birthday…..

Edward traveled frequently for work, which became a problem for Michelle once they were engaged. On one four-day weekend trip, he called Michelle once on Thursday when he arrived and once on Sunday, but not on Friday or Saturday like she had hoped. Michelle was furious and admonished him, “Why didn’t you call me Friday and Saturday night? What were you doing over the weekend? A man needs to call his fiancé and check in daily. No man has ever treated me so disrespectfully and here we are about to be married!” Michelle had always been the princess and she wasn’t going to allow any man to treat her otherwise. After all, she was the prize and if he wanted to marry her, then he better treat her as such…..

From Michelle’s perspective, Edward continued to under-appreciate her throughout the engagement: He spoke on his cell phone during dinner dates, failed to let her sit in the seat with the best view, looked at other beautiful women sitting at the next table, and expected Michelle to drive to his neighborhood for dinner dates. He had no idea how to treat a woman, Michelle thought. She knew she was a catch, but in her mind, Edward showed no signs that he realized it. Did he have any idea how many guys had wanted to marry her in the past? Didn’t he know how lucky he was that she had said yes to him? Apparently not. Edward tolerated the sense of entitlement for about a month after proposing and then called off the wedding and moved on. Michelle was dumped. She lost her big fish…..

What Michelle failed to realize was that the Power Shift phenomenon was in play. Edward was becoming more and more powerful in his late 30s, and he was now a catch and he knew it. Women were lined up to date him, and Michelle’s sense of entitlement was frightening to him. If she behaved like this now, Edward thought, what would marriage to her be like?….

Michelle, a beautiful woman accustomed to adoration, still thought she was entitled to worship from the men she took for granted in her 20s. Yet, as she progressed through her 30s, guys weren’t as willing to put up with her demands. No longer a young woman, Michelle no longer had the upper hand. She had become neurotic in her expectations, constantly complained, and was never satisfied. She ultimately emasculated men. Michelle was used to men jumping through hoops for her and thought of herself as the only prize, when in fact, Edward was now a prize, too. If Michelle had appreciated him in terms he understood and expected, she would have married her Mr. Right by her 35th birthday and would now be well on the way toward creating her beautiful family…..

After Edward, no man measured up to Michelle’s expectations. Some were as successful, but not as handsome. Some were as handsome, but not as successful. Some were divorced with children, but Michelle wanted a guy who didn’t have kids. She was a great catch and felt she deserved a guy who hadn’t yet had a family. She wanted to be wife number-one-and-only. All through her 30s, Michelle dated, and dated, and dated in her quest to find her Mr. Right. When she found someone who came close, she would dismiss him the minute he failed to treat her like the princess she thought herself to be. Michelle had become a serial dater, always searching for a bigger fish.

Serial Dater

Serial daters are women who keep saying “next” because she had so many options in her youth that she’s now not willing to forgive any flaws or wait for mid-course corrections in a relationship. While she may somewhat like a guy, she feels she can do better. “Quite frankly, I’m looking for a bigger fish.” No relationship sticks and no man compares to the one that got away. She was still mooning over the one who rejected her, but the reality was that she might have been shooting too high because the wealthy guy who got away was also searching for his perfect “10.” Unless she could fit the bill, she would find herself alone or have to trade in her expectations of a perfect man for someone more realistic.

Waiting Too Long for Kids

Michelle’s 30s drew to a close and by 39, she still hadn’t found her guy. She felt a frantic sense of desperation. She was almost 40 and still childless, and her panic was apparent to all of the men who dated her. Every date felt like a fertility interview as she attempted to accelerate relationships beyond the natural pace. Because she had maintained her figure and took care of her looks, she was still breathtakingly beautiful, but her age was beginning to show. She waited too long to snag a man to father her children. Now, she was competing with women 28 to 33 years old, who had the luxury of a slow courtship, marriage for a few years, and then having two or three kids before they turned 40. Sadly, Michelle waited too long for kids and potential suitors sensed this. In short, she carried a neon sign that read: Single Woman Seeks Mr. Right to Father Brood Immediately. Powerful men wouldn’t bother. Her chances were dwindling, and her panic was real…..

Michelle’s princess sense of entitlement became her own worst enemy. Because she waited too long for kids, she didn’t have the benefit of time to give potentially great guys a chance. She heartlessly dismissed them as soon as they made their first dating mistake, still holding out for her Mr. Right. But Mr. Right has options, too. And Mr. Right wants Ms. Right, and Ms. Right isn’t, well, 40 years old and trying to have kids. If Michelle wanted to land her Mr. Right at the age of 40, she needed to understand that Mr. Right might have been right under her nose all the time and that men in their 40s and 50s are also prizes. She needed to understand that she wasn’t the only trophy and realize that she’d have to jump through a few hoops of her own and value him as such if she wanted to be his Ms. Right.