The number one reason people fail to stick to their resolutions to change, are because people isolate certain behavioral changes, without taking a comprehensive, and holistic approach. It is difficult to single out one aspect of your life, when each aspect is interrelated, and connected to every other. If you want to successfully reach your resolutions to change, you have to shake up the entire system, and create a comprehensive change in the status quo. Being fabulous is much more than just looking fabulous—you must also be fabulous on the inside. Creating a Fabulous Map will guide you through this process of self-directed change. By mapping out an interrelated web of benefits, you can become, both fabulous on the inside, and the out.
If your resolution is to start exercising, then you need to trace it back to the benefits. —In other words, why do you want or need to exercise? If you exercise, you will get in shape and look and feel better, which then heightens your self-esteem, and affects how you relate to those around you. This, in turn, directly affects how others respond to you, and your ability to attract them.
So, exercise is just one spoke in the wheel of being fabulous, and will ultimately take you one step closer to finding a healthy, loving romantic relationship. Therefore, exercise is not only connected to the physical aspect of getting into shape, but also the intellectual and spiritual areas of your life, which in turn affect all other aspects.
Taking a systematic approach to your resolution for change means drawing out a web of benefits from the physical, spiritual and intellectual areas of your life, and tracing them all back to being fabulous. - Which in turn, rewards you with fabulous love.
Example: I want a fabulous relationship
Using reverse order you can identify the steps:
1. In order to find a fabulous relationship, I need to attract a fabulous person
2. In order to attract a fabulous person, I need to be fabulous
3. In order to be fabulous, I need to map out a web of benefits and use a holistic approach to comprehensive behavioral change
Three-Pronged Fabulous Map
1. Spiritually fabulous
2. Intellectually fabulous
3. Physically fabulous
Spiritual: Forgiveness of the heart includes forgiveness of one’s self. Setting boundaries to protect oneself from those who cause harm saves the expense of anger, cost of hatred and waste of spirit. Spirituality comes from within; however, a healthy inner spirit directly affects our outward relationships.
After each spiritual statement, write an example, followed by a list of benefits related to the intellectual and physical areas of your life.
1. I am able to preserve harmony during times of stress.
Example:
When I realized my bank charged me twice for late fees,
I was able to intellectually discover how it would only effect three checks, which my bank could then refund as acknowledgment of its’ error.
I could then put it out of my mind and physically continue with my planned exercise at the gym.
2. I am fun to be around and have a joyful spirit.
3. I am humble and graciously accept praise and attention.
4. I am patient and enjoy each moment as it happens.
5. I am loyal and dependable to those who put their trust in me.
6. I am loving and can freely express warm emotions.
7. I am forgiving and understand that making mistakes helps us learn and improve.
8. I am self-less and put the needs of the greater good ahead of my own.
9. I am empathetic and do unto others as I would have them do unto me.
Intellectual: Courage is not the absence of fear, rather the triumph over it. When we cocoon ourselves in a cloak of safety, we barricade ourselves from the marvel of the unexpected. Being truly fabulous is having the courage to triumph over fear.
After each intellectual statement, write an example, followed by a list of benefits related to the spiritual and physical areas of your life.
1. I have a fascinating career and interests.
2. I am intellectually curious and aspire to continually grow and progress.
3. I am optimistic about the future.
4. I am educated and aware of the world around me.
5. I have a friendly relationship to facts.
6. I am rational in my decision-making.
7. I am willing to take risks and delve into the unknown.
8. I am competent and able to care for myself and the people I love.
Physical: (Diet, exercise and appearance)
After each physical statement, write an example, followed by a list of benefits related to the spiritual and intellectual areas of your life.
Diet: You have the power to make healthy choices about what you put into your body, and those choices directly affect your physical appearance and how you feel.
1. I eat plenty of leafy green vegetables to maintain regularity.
2. I make whole grain food choices.
3. I consume small servings.
4. I avoid fatty foods.
5. I make organic choices whenever possible.
6. I avoid consuming constipating foods.
7. I drink plenty of water.
8. I avoid sugary foods and soft drinks.
9. I consume alcohol in moderation.
Exercise: Regular exercise suppresses the appetite, decreases fat in the blood, increases one’s sense of control and confidence, increases the immune system and bone density, increases one’s ability to cope with stress, and has been shown to slow the aging process.
1. I break a sweat every a day.
2. I take the stairs or walk every day.
3. I stretch for 15 minutes every day.
4. I do 10 push-ups every day.
Appearance: My self-image is not tied to one of perfection; however, I exude confidence when I look and feel fabulous.
1. I stay current on the latest fashion and style and wear clothing that accentuates my assets.
2. My hair is regularly washed, managed and conditioned.
3. My nails are trimmed and filed to equal length.
4. I self tan rather than sit in the sun and moisturize and exfoliate my skin regularly.
5. I regularly brush my teeth and tongue to ensure a bright smile and fresh breath.
6. I maintain a trim waistline through diet and exercise.
There are many obstacles to face in the implementation of change. In order to facilitate a comprehensive change, you will need to rearrange your daily routine and shake up the current system. Each isolated behavioral change is connected to every aspect of being fabulous and affects the complex web of your life. Your resolution to change will be successful in the long term if you develop a systemic approach to the implementation of change by creating your very own Fabulous Map and connecting the benefits to the behavioral change. Rather than one event, change is a process that resembles “two steps forward, one step back” and mapping out the benefits will help you reach your goal of becoming fabulous and finding fabulous love.
Read more about the: Power Shift: Shifting Gears to Catch Your Match
Through case studies as an exclusive matchmaker with Perfect Search, Melinda Maximova identifies a phenomenon that is undermining the success of many relationships. She calls this dynamic, Power Shift. Through the eyes of a matchmaker she helps women avoid several dating pitfalls and relationship syndromes and address questions of controversial topics about the sexes.
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