Rescue Dating
For the Perfect Search
by Melinda Maximova

What Do British Men Think Of American Women

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Rochelle Peachey, founder of ILoveYourAccent.com found some extremely interesting statistics on the opinion British men have on American women.

Peachey surveyed more than 1,000 British men who subscribe to her transatlantic dating website ILoveYourAccent.com and found 70 percent of British men find American women “more interesting” than British women. However, American girls also come at a price, according to Peachey—more than 78 percent of blokes say American women are materialistic.

Peachey’s survey also found that British men believe more than 60 percent of American women play “mind games” when dating, more than 50 percent feel Americans are more interested in marriage than just dating, and more than 40 percent say American women are easier to get into bed. “Often, all British men have to do is open their mouths to make American women swoon,” said Peachey.

Peachey dated more than 2000 men while researching her books, Eat Your Lonely Heart Out and My 1,000 Americans.

WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT IN BED: The Surprising Secrets Women Wish Men Knew About Sex by co-authors Cynthia W Gentry and Dana Fredsti. This  new book from Quiver is a practical “how-to” manual written to help women help their men understand them when it comes to matters of sex and how to please their partners in bed.

An insider’s guide to women’s sexual psyches, WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT IN BED debunks sex and seduction myths, explicitly tells you what she needs between the sheets, and gives you the hand, mouth and position techniques she’s been craving. Read juicy details from real-life interviews with more than 300 women.

 For example:

·       80% enjoy reading or viewing pornography, depending on the material

·       73% of women wish they were having more sex

·       54% love performing oral sex on their partner

·       35% have taken a picture of, or videotaped, themselves having sex.

Women love sex. Women want sex. According to this book, women also want men to listen to them and show an interest in what they crave in the sack.

“Instead of leaving men guessing about what their girlfriends, wives, or lovers might want in bed, we want to give men a practical, action-oriented guide to pleasing a woman based on real women’s responses” says Co-author Cynthia Gentry, who also co-wrote What Men Really Want In Bed. “Men hate asking for directions, especially when it comes to sex, and our book gives no-nonsense advice so he doesn’t feel lost in the bedroom.”

The book, which offers the perfect bedside reading companion covers all the bases on women’s sexual desires from seduction, fantasies and foreplay to oral sex, orgasms, and more. In addition, the book reveals answers to some tantalizing questions such as:

·       Does size matter when it comes to her orgasm?

·       What’s the #1 turnoff for women?

·       What does it take to get her to express her wild side in the bedroom?

·       What’s the biggest mistake men make when performing oral sex?

·       How can you find the best rhythm and pressure to make her climax again and again?

·       What are best hand and mouth techniques to take her over the edge?

Twenty-first century men still need a little help figuring out what women want, and rather than keep them guessing, women can now point their man to WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT IN BED. 

About the Authors

Cynthia W. Gentry is an award-winning writer, screenwriter and journalist. She is the co-author of several books on sex, including What Men Really Want in Bed, Secret Seductions, and Red Hot Tantra: Erotic Secrets of Red Tantra for Intimate Soul-to-Soul Sex and Ecstatic, Enlightened Orgasms. She is the author of Mind-Blowing Orgasms Every Day. Her short fiction, essays, and film reviews have appeared in anthologies, literary journals and on the Web.

Dana Fredsti is a producer, writer, and director for theater, film, and television. She has written numerous published articles and essays. This book is her second writing partnership with Cynthia Gentry, after Secret Seductions, for which she used the pseudonym Roxanne Colville. She has also published several short stories and a mystery novel, and is working on her third erotic romance novel under the nom de plume Inara LaVey.

For more information about What Women Really Want in Bed, please visit Quiver Books at www.QuiverBooks.com or follow them on www.twitter.com/womenwantinbed.  

For more information contact Melinda Maximiova, matchmaker with Perfect Search

melinda@theperfectsearch.com

About Perfect Search, Inc.

Perfect Search takes a unique approach to matchmaking.  For an annual retainer personal agents create a narrow, highly focused search for the client’s perfect match. The client relaxes while a Perfect Search agent does all the work to find and screen possible candidates to present for consideration.  Qualified single women are encouraged to join the prestigious candidate pool. 

Read reviews on San Francisco Chronicle’s, SF Gate.com:  San Francisco, Bay Area matchmakers reviewed

Fabulous Map

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Make a Fabulous Map for 2010 and find fabulous love.

George Burns once said, “If I had known how long I was going to live, I would have taken better care of myself.” The number one reason new years resolutions fail is because people isolate certain behavioral changes with out taking a comprehensive and holistic approach to change. It is difficult to single out one aspect of your life when each aspect is interrelated and connected to every other aspect. If you want to successfully reach your new years resolutions you have to shake up the entire system and create a comprehensive change in the status quo. Being fabulous is much more than just looking fabulous, you must also be fabulous on the inside. Creating a Fabulous Map will guide you through a process of self-directed change using an interrelated web of benefits so you will enter 2010 as fabulous on the inside and outside.

For example, if your new years resolution is to start exercising, then you need to trace it back to the benefits of why. If you start exercising you will get in shape and look and feel better, which then heightens your self-esteem and effects how you relate to those around you, which directly affects how others respond to you and how you attract them. So, exercise is just one spoke in the wheel of being fabulous and will ultimately take you one step closer to finding your healthy, loving romantic relationship with a fabulous person. Therefore exercise is not only connected to the physical aspect of getting into shape but also the intellectual and spiritual areas of your life, which then in turn affect all other aspects.

Taking a systematic approach to your new years resolution means drawing out a web of benefits from the physical, spiritual and intellectual areas of your life and tracing them all back to being fabulous which in turn will help you find fabulous love.

Example: I want a fabulous relationship in 2010.  Using reverse order you can identify the steps

1. In order to find a fabulous relationship I need to attract a fabulous person.
2. In order to attract a fabulous person I need to be fabulous.
3. In order to be fabulous I need to map out a web of benefits and use a holistic approach to comprehensive behavioral change.

Three pronged Fabulous Map

1. Spiritually fabulous
2. Intellectually fabulous
3. Physically fabulous

Spiritual: Forgiveness of the heart includes forgiveness of one’s self.  Setting boundaries to protect oneself from those who cause harm saves the expense of anger, cost of hatred and waste of spirit. Spirituality comes from within, however a healthy inner spirit directly affects our outward relationships.

After each spiritual statement write an example, followed by a list of benefits related to the intellectual and physical areas of your life.

* I am able to preserve harmony during times of stress
* I am fun to be around and have a joyful spirit
* I am humble and graciously accept praise and attention
* I am patient and enjoy each moment as it happens
* I am loyal and dependable to those who put their trust in me
* I am loving and can freely express warm emotions
* I am forgiving and understand that making mistakes helps us learn and improve
* I am self-less and put the needs of the greater good ahead of my own
* I am empathetic and do unto others, as I would have them done unto myself

Intellectual: Courage is not the absence of fear, rather the triumph over it. When we cocoon ourselves in a cloak of safety we barricade ourselves from the marvel of the unexpected. Being truly fabulous is having the courage to triumph over fear.

After each intellectual statement write an example, followed by a list of benefits related to the spiritual and physical areas of your life.

* I have a fascinating career and interests
* I am intellectually curious and aspire to continually grow and progress
* I am optimistic about the future
* I am educated and aware of the world around me
* I have a friendly relationship to facts
* I am rational in my decision-making
* I am willing to take risks and delve into the unknown
* I am competent and able to care for myself and take care of those that I love

Physical: (Diet, exercise and appearance)

Diet: You have the power to make healthy choices about what you put into your body and those choices directly affect your physical appearance and how you feel.

After each physical statement write an example, followed by a list of benefits related to the spiritual and intellectual areas of your life.

* I eat plenty of leafy green vegetables for regularity
* I make whole grain choices
* I consume small servings
* I avoid fatty foods
* I make organic choices when possible
* I avoid consuming constipating foods
* I drink plenty of water
* I avoid sugary foods and soft drinks
* I consume alcohol in moderation

Exercise: Regular exercise suppresses the appetite, decreases fat in the blood, increases one’s sense of control and confidence, increases the immune system and bone density, increases one’s ability to cope with stress, and has been shown to slow the aging process.

* I break a sweat every a day
* I take the stairs or walk every day
* I stretch for 15 minutes every day
* I do 10 push ups every day
* I do 25 sit ups every day
* I do 20 squats every day

Appearance: My self-image is not tied to one of perfection, however I exude confidence when I look and feel fabulous.

* I keep up on fashion and style and wear clothing that accentuates my assets
* My hair is regularly washed, managed and conditioned
* My nails are trimmed and filed to equal length
* I self tan rather than sit in the sun and moisturize and exfoliate my skin
* I regularly brush my teeth and tongue for a bright smile and fresh breath
* I maintain a trim waistline through diet and exercise

There are many obstacles to face in the implementation of change. In order to facilitate a comprehensive change you will need to rearrange your daily routine and shake up the current system. Each isolated behavioral change is connected to every aspect of being fabulous and affects the complex web of your life. Your new years resolutions will be successful in the long term if you develop a systemic approach to the implementation of change by creating your very own Fabulous Map and connecting the benefits to the behavioral change. Rather than one event, change is a process that resembles “two steps forward, one step back”, and mapping out the benefits will help you reach your goal of becoming fabulous in 2010 and finding fabulous love.

For more information contact Melinda Maximova, matchmaker with Perfect Search melinda@theperfectsearch.com

Perfect Search

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Give the ultimate holiday gift: LOVE.

During the holidays is not the time to be alone. After five years of successfully matching thousands of satisfied clients, Perfect Search, a VIP matchmaking service, is offering an end of year holiday special.

Gift yourself or someone you know.  The Perfect Search science is simple: Clients hire personal agents to help with their love lives much like they will hire a personal trainer, financial planner or estate planner. Why not let a professional take control of your love life? Imagine the chances with a “Personal Agent” out actively searching for a perfect match within your community.

About Perfect Search, Inc.

Perfect Search takes a unique approach to matchmaking. Our Personal agents operate as personal recruiters. For an annual retainer we create a narrow, highly focused search for our client’s perfect match. The client relaxes while a Perfect Search agent does all the work to find and screen possible candidates to present for consideration.

As part of our commitment to providing a perfect search for our clients, we invite qualified single women to join our prestigious candidate pool. Perfect Search wants to help everyone find love for 2010.

Read reviews on San Francisco Chronicle’s, SF Gate.com:  San Francisco, Bay Area matchmakers reviewed

For more information contact Melinda Maximiova, matchmaker with Perfect Search

melinda@theperfectsearch.com

Good man checklist

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Before you follow my incessant advice on how to keep your man, you have to make sure he is worth keeping.  As a matchmaker with Perfect Search and relationship coach I come across many women who fall head-over-heels for a guy based on all the wrong qualities.  They are intrigued with men who are mysterious, interesting, sexy, handsome, affluent and passionate, and although these are all very attractive traits they are not the qualities that really matter.  While good men can have those qualities they don’t identify a man as truly good.  Before you lose your heart to the wrong guy make sure he is worth it. Use the “Good man checklist” to properly assess if your guy is a good man and worth keeping, or simply an intriguing guy who is fun for the moment.

The first letters in the “Good man checklist” spell out the word PLEASURE

P-Provider
L-Loyal
E-Empathetic
A-Aspiring
S-Selfless
U-Useful
R-Rational
E-Endearing

Provider- Is he a good provider or is he a financial drain?  Being in a partnership should be accretive rather than burdensome.  It doesn’t mean that he must be the sole family breadwinner but he must have the ability to take the reins when you are out of commission during pregnancy for example, or while breastfeeding.  A truly good man enjoys providing for his loved ones and would never feel comfortable free loading or taking financial advantage of a woman, or her family.

Loyal- Is he loyal?  Can you trust that he will not stray or abandon you emotionally? You need someone who has your back and will be there for you during times of need.  That is the advantage of partnering up with someone. A fair weathered friend is someone who only sticks around for the good times. A loyal man will stand by you through the thick and thin and will not stray when someone else catches his eye.

Empathetic – Is he empathetic?  Does he care about others feelings?  A man who lacks empathy is unable to follow the golden rule of, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  They simply don’t have the capacity to put themselves in another person’s shoes. Is he kind to animals and children?  Does he have heart and compassion for other people?  Empathy is essential for sharing a loving, partnership and is a prime indicator for a good man.

Aspiring – Does he aspire for improvement or is he complacent and accepting of mediocre?  A man who is consistently moving forward is someone who not only wants to better himself, but also wants to improve the quality of life for the people he loves.  A man who simply accepts his flaws and faults and is unwilling to change, adjust or improve will always be stagnant and lazy, proclaiming, “Well, that is just how I am!” He will be stuck in his ways and rigid in his limitations. Saddle yourself with a guy who has high aspirations and who continuously aspires for greatness with a willingness to grow and learn and expand.

Selfless - Is he selfless or selfish?  A selfless man will sacrifice his needs for the greater good of his family.  A relationship requires compromise and being a good parent requires sacrifice on many levels.  Someone who is selfish and puts their own needs ahead of the family, or the relationship, will not end up being a good partner.

Useful - Is he useful or is he a lump on the couch?  A useless man is just that, useless.  A woman can be helpless all by herself.  She doesn’t need help being helpless.  A good man is competent enough to get things done by himself and resourceful enough to find someone to do the things he cannot.

Rational - Is he rational or an irrational hot head?  Maintaining a happy, healthy relationship can be challenging at times and requires mature communication, analysis and the ability to be self-critical and thoughtful.  Someone who easily loses their temper and lacks rational problem solving skills will be nearly impossible to live with in the long term.

Endearing – Is he endearing to you or is he unkind and hurtful?  Keeping the magic alive in a romantic relationship takes effort and should never be neglected or taken for granted.  Being sweet, loving and endearing to each other will help prevent the natural irritation that occurs when living and compromising with someone.  You have to tend to a relationship much like tending to a flower garden. Neglect it and you will have a bed of weeds, but tend to it lovingly and you will have a bed of beautiful, aromatic blooms.

Use the “Good man check list” to measure the worth of your guy before you invest your heart. Although intriguing men are mysterious, interesting, sexy, handsome, affluent and passionate they are not necessarily good men.  Hopefully your good man will also have all those intriguing qualities but in the long run, the first letters in the “Good man checklist” spell out the word PLEASURE, while the first letters in the intriguing man checklist spell out something else.

M-Mysterious
I-Interesting
S-Sexy
H-Handsome
A-Affluent
P-Passionate

For more information, contact Melinda Maximova, matchmaker with Perfect Search

melinda@theperfectsearch.com

Send $15. and I will answer any relationship, sexual or dating question. I will spend up to 1/2 hour on the question.

Relationship makeover

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Does your relationship need a revival? Just like an outdated living room, hairstyle or outfit, relationships can need makeovers too. If you are stuck in a relationship rut of passionless lovemaking, grunting communication, and grouchy interaction then perhaps you need to stage a relationship intervention.

As with any major overhaul, a relationship makeover will require that you have a plan. The following 4-step relationship makeover plan will help you get out of your current rut so you can repair, refresh and regain the feelings you had for each other when you were newlyweds. You’re never going to be newlyweds again but, in the way that an image makeover can make you feel years younger, a relationship makeover can make your relationship feel years younger too. The 4-step relationship makeover plan will help you revitalize your sex life, rejuvenate your communication, reconstruct your routine, reclaim your optimism, revamp your look and replenish your love so that you and your lover can enjoy the benefits of a well-seasoned relationship with out sacrificing the sparks that come from a new one.

4-step relationship makeover plan:

1. Take the relationship assessment quiz
2. Set relationship goals based on results from the quiz
3. Develop a relationship plan with measurable objectives to reach the goals
4. Relationship process evaluation

Step 1: Relationship assessment quiz

You cannot fix something unless you understand the problem. Understanding the problem requires assessing areas of need. The following relationship assessment quiz will help you identify areas that need making over. If you answer “no” to any of these areas, then you have identified an area of need.

1. I am happy with the frequency and quality of our sex life
2. I feel understood and listened to by my lover
3. I have fun when I am with my lover
4. I am excited about the future with my lover
5. I am visually attracted to my lover
6. I feel loved, appreciated and valued by my lover

If you answered “no” to any these questions then you need to improve those areas of your love life that are in the acronym, S-C-R-O-L-L.

S-sex, C-communication, R-routine, O-optimism, L-looks, L-love

Step 2: Set relationship goals based on results from the quiz

Once you have assessed and defined problem areas in your relationship you can then set relationship goals to repair the problems. Every relationship will have different assessment results. Using the above relationship assessment quiz we will create examples of relationship goals to improve all of the areas in the acronym, S-C-R-O-L-L.

Example relationship goals:

1. We will revitalize our sex life by increasing the frequency and quality of intimacy
2. We will rejuvenate our communication by sharing engaging topics and using active listening when problem solving
3. We will reconstruct our routine in order to shake up the current doldrums of day-to-day life
4. We will reclaim our optimism by creating a plan for our future
5. We will revamp our looks by giving each other an image make over
6. We will replenish our love by impressing each other with kindness, competence and chivalry/caring

Step 3: Develop a relationship plan with measurable objectives to reach the relationship goals

Based on your relationship goals create measurable, targeted objectives to help reach each goal. Think of objectives as steppingstones to reach goals. Objectives should be measurable in order to evaluate success. If you are unsuccessful in reaching your goal, then you will need to create new objectives until the goal is reached. The following objectives are examples for reaching each sample relationship goal.

Goal 1: We will revitalize our sex life

Objective 1: We will shop for sex toys together
Objective 2: We will make a sexy video
Objective 3: We will role-play 5 favorite fantasies

Goal 2: We will rejuvenate our communication

Objective 1: We will implement conflict resolution strategies when discussing 5 disagreements
Objective 2: We will interview each other about 5 intimate experiences
Objective 3: We will alternate playing therapists for 5 sessions each

Goal 3: We will reconstruct our routine

Objective 1: We will play music and light candles with wine instead of TV at least one night a week
Objective 2: We will sleep in the spare bedroom, or on the living room floor together, at least once a week
Objective 3: We will meet downtown for dinner before coming home at least once a week

Goal 4: We will reclaim our optimism

Objective 1: We will create a long-term financial plan
Objective 2: We will plan 10 things to do, or places to go, before we die
Objective 3: We will each sketch our dream vacation house

Goal 5: We will revamp our looks

Objective 1: We will buy each other a new wardrobe
Objective 2: We will select a new hairstyle for each other
Objective 3: We will join a gym and work out together for weight management

Goal 6: We will replenish our love

Objective 1: We will cook a candlelit dinner for the other, or wash the other’s car at least one a week
Objective 2: We will give each other a massage once a week
Objective 3: We will send a loving message to each other every other day

Step 4: Relationship process evaluation

Evaluating your relationship makeover plan is essential for measuring effectiveness. If each objective you created is measurable it should be fairly simple to determine if you are meeting them. Whether or not the objectives are helping to meet the goals however will need some further assessment. After completing each objective go back and re-take the relationship makeover assessment quiz. If you still answered “no” to any of the questions then you will need to rework your objectives to reach each unmet goal. If the answers have switched form “no” to yes” then you have accomplished your relationship makeover and your intervention was a success. If one of you is not willing to collaborate on the relationship makeover you may be in a situation where, much like a house that needs repair, a complete tear down is logistically more feasible than a remodel, and you may need to move on to another relationship with someone who is more willing.

Embarking on any behavioral change requires a plan and a systematic approach. The older people get the harder it can be to change. With age people become rigid, inflexible and set in their ways, relationships can be the same way. Your relationship makeover plan will need to include disposing destructive patterns and replacing them with fresh new approaches and attitudes. You will have to get out of your comfort zone and shake up the status quo. Although conducting a relationship makeover may cause chaos in the beginning, much like enduring messiness before a house remodel is complete, in the end your makeover results will speak for themselves. You may not be newlyweds anymore but you can sure look and feel like you are again.

For more information, contact Melinda Maximova, matchmaker with Perfect Search

melinda@theperfectsearch.com

Send $15. for Counseling Advice

Send $15. and I will answer any relationship, sexual or dating question. I will spend up to 1/2 hour on the question.

Marriage ultimatum

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“Can I have a few days to think about it?” he asked cautiously.

With in a week he packed his bags and moved out.

How successful is the ultimatum? Can you really force someone to marry you, and would you even want to? Marriage proposals are often the make or break threshold in a relationship and as tempting as an ultimatum can be, they are rarely successful.

My candidate felt she had no choice. She and her boyfriend had been living together for 5 years and she wasn’t getting any younger. She wanted to start a family and at age 38, felt her biological clock ticking. It would only be harder to start a family with a new man after 40. Most couples want to enjoy the relationship for a few years before bringing kids into the picture and after 40, the risks run pretty high. Men can start families at any age, whereas a women’s fertility has an expiration date. My candidate wanted to get married and she wanted a family, soon. She was hoping it would be with her boyfriend but needed to know if he was worth the wait. She considered searching for another potential mate while still with her boyfriend, but what if he found out? He would never want to marry her then. Who wants to marry an unfaithful woman? On the other hand, she didn’t want to wait silently for the proposal year after year watching her youth slip away, waiting for a guy who just wasn’t that into her. So she posed the ultimatum, “Marry me or else!” And he chose the “or else”.

I’ve had countless clients come in to share their experiences with ultimatums. Usually it is the men who are presented with the pressure and usually it is the men who decide to leave. One client of mine loved his girlfriend dearly as they were so compatible in every way- except in bed. He wasn’t sexually attracted to her. He wasn’t into her body type and worried that if she looked this way now, how would she look after a couple of kids? It was a painful dilemma for him because he didn’t want to hurt her and wanted to do the right thing and be her night-in-shining-armor and give her the wedding she dreamed, but he just wasn’t sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. It really came down to that.

Another client was confronted with an ultimatum and forced to choose. He had great sex with his girlfriend and was very attracted to her, but she was such a pessimist and every thing had to be just right for her to be happy. She was constantly complaining over the smallest things and often had migrain headaches. His girl friend was a real “Debbie downer” and yet he didn’t want to give up the great sex. He kept postponing the issue saying how this wasn’t the right time for one reason or another but promised that in several years they would discuss it. He knew full well that he did not want to marry her because he couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life with someone so gloomy. As a sunny, optimistic guy he had big dreams for the future and quite frankly, she didn’t fit in. Eventually the fighting over a marriage proposal broke them up and he did finally move on.

Another couple I introduced through Perfect Search, my VIP matchmaking service, had been together for three years. They had both recently survived bitter divorces and vowed to never get married again. They were a perfect match since neither wanted marriage. But as often happens, feelings change and the woman started to want to get married after a few years into the relationship. She wanted to be more than just his girl friend and wanted his family to respect their union as husband and wife. He had no idea about her change of heart and wouldn’t have even thought of getting down on one knee because he would assume she’d decline. She decided to propose to him instead. She picked a romantic evening and presented him with all the reasons why she thought they should get married and expressed her heart felt love for him. He was shocked. But also extremely honored and flattered, and after a few days to process the idea, bought her a ring and suggested a date. They are now happily married.

There is a fine line between giving an ultimatum and letting someone know that you are ready to get married. I agree that women who want marriage should not remain stagnate in a relationship that is not moving forward. I also agree that women should not secretly shop for a new boyfriend while simultaneously living with a man. Infidelity is hurtful and if your going to shop for a new guy you have to be brave enough to be with out the old guy. But I also don’t think that dragging a man to the altar works to anyone’s benefit. I have had many clients who have blamed their past divorces on ultimatums. “I married her because she made me, but I was never emotionally invested”. No woman wants that kind of marriage.

The right way to handle an idle relationship is to let the other person know that you would like to get married and the reasons why. Make sure you don’t want the wedding more than the man. Then give him a week to think about it and let him present you with his response. It will either be a marriage proposal of sorts, or a counter reason as to why this is not a good time. If it is the latter, she needs to determine if his reasoning is rational and legitimate, or if he is just stalling for time because the truth of the matter is, he may not want to spend the rest of his life with her. It is really that simple. If she feels he is stalling, she needs to get out and get out quickly. Time is of the essence and women in their late 30s who want children don’t have time to spare.

For more information, contact Melinda Maximova, matchmaker with Perfect Search

melinda@theperfectsearch.com

Send $15. for Counseling Advice

Send $15. and I will answer any relationship, sexual or dating question. I will spend up to 1/2 hour on the question.

Who remembers internet dating in 1995? I didn’t even know what the internet was in 1995 but that is the year that Match.com started it’s first on line dating site. We have certainly come a long way since then. Girls in Tech hosted the Virtual Dating 101 conference Monday, October 19th discussing the new frontier in internet dating and how Facebook Connect is helping these sites drive traffic and grow revenue on their websites.

I remember back in 1995 when singles used the personal ads in the San Francisco Chronicle’s Pink Section. The back pages looked much like the Auto Trader Magazine, except it was humans peddling their love. Back then you could dial a code at the bottom of each ad if you wanted to contact someone. The length of the message was billed to a credit card number so you could always tell how cheap someone was by the length of their message. We have certainly come a long way since 1995.

From a business perspective, internet dating sites have proven to be quite successful. Match.com boasts 15 million current users and has over 100 million users who have passed through the site since 2000. They have experienced a 16% growth from January of 2008 to January 2009 and eHarmony experienced a 20% growth during the same time period. Overall, the online dating industry has claimed over 100,000 marriages.

Online singles sites are either subscription based, such as Match.com, eHarmony, JDate or Yahoo personals, or free sites which depend on ad revenues, such as Plenty of Fish, Chemistry.com or OK Cupid.com, and now, the latest trend is socially networked sites who are using the Facebook platform, such as SpeedDate Thread, or Zoosk.com.

But enough about the statistics, I want to talk about all the sexy geeks in attendance at last week’s Virtual Dating 101 conference. The event was held in San Francisco at the E & O Trading Company. We had a panel of sexy, CEOs from three socially networked sites: Brian Phillips, CEO of Thread, Simon Timinezky, CEO of SpeedDate and Alex Mehr, Co-CEO and co-founder of Zoosk. Thread is built entirely on the Facebook Connect platform and allows users to browse friend’s contacts and ask for connections or play matchmaker. Zoosk boasts the world’s largest social dating community with 40 million users. According to TechCrunch, Zoosk has hit a $30 million annual run rate and expects to close this year with $18-20 million in revenue. SpeedDate is the first online speeddating site that allows users to send messages and try online video speed dating with webcams or chat. Also included in the panel was Rachel Sarah, author and blogger for Single Mom Seeking and Match.com contributor, and moderating panelist, Melinda Maximova, founder and CEO of Perfect Search, a VIP matchmaking service.

The three CEOs of SpeedDate, Zoosk and Thread all confirmed that utilizing Facebook Connect is a great way to bring over 300 million Facebook users to the content of their dating sites. Facebook Connect lets users bring their identity and connections with them to any partnered site. Why build a dating website from scratch when you can utilize an existing social network? Users can immediately engage their friends, which leads to more activity and more page views. By utilizing the Facebook platform site owners can increase traffic in addition to specific targeting capabilities. Users who are connected create 15-60% more content than users who are not connected with Facebook. With a simple “Connect” button users can register and login to a partnered dating site in just two clicks. Facebook Connect is increasing registration by up to 300% for some Facebook Connect Partners.

According to the San Francisco Chronicle, The new phenomonem of social dating is a combination of social networks and online dating. Social networks have opened a window of opportunity for startups, since it’s significantly more affordable to advertise through them. Every website wants registration to be easy. So these online dating CEOs have figured out that rather than re-inventing the wheel and starting an internet dating site from scratch, they can use Facebook Connect’s 300 million users. With simple registration and robust data already positioned, dating sites can grow their registrations and revenue. Thank you, Girls in Tech for hosting such an informative event and allowing us all to show the world that geeks can be sexy!

For more information, contact Melinda Maximova, matchmaker with Perfect Search

melinda@theperfectsearch.com

Send $15. for Counseling Advice

Send $15. and I will answer any relationship, sexual or dating question. I will spend up to 1/2 hour on the question.

David Letterman picked up the tab for Stephanie Birkitt’s graduate law studies at the Yeshiva University Law School. As his first assistant and alleged mistress, she was also apparently planning to buy a $300,000 house in Connecticut. So where was she getting the money? The media is all-abuzz about the salacious relationship between Letterman and Stephanie Birkitt, but I have found that an arrangement relationship between a younger woman and a married man is not that unusual when he provides her with financial benefits. Not only powerful men in high places engage in these mutually beneficial relationships, but also every day businessmen who can afford the luxury of a kept woman. It is almost a benchmark of success for these married men, much like their luxury automobiles, vacation beach houses or the prestigious private school’s their children attend.

So why would David Letterman bother getting married to Regina Lasko, his long-term girlfriend of 23 years in March ‘09, if he was in love with another woman? And why would any happily married man need a secret mistress? The answers have slowly unfolded for me over the years as a VIP matchmaker with Perfect Search, and although I would never engage in this sort of matchmaking, there have certainly been opportunities. I’ve had countless men and women contact me looking for arrangement relationships hoping my service could help. My matchmaking service only matches singles looking for legitimate, long-term relationships, so I have respectfully declined these inquiries, but as a study of the human psyche, I am intrigued. Each time the opportunity arose I found myself picking the brains of these inquiring participants, and with the same curiosity as a young psychology student, and much like a voyeur ’s inability to resist temptation to look, I couldn’t help but ask and implore, and ask some more. When, what, why, how and who are you? Girls have shared the benefits of being a mistress, and married men have shared the benefits of being a “Sugar Daddy”. I now think I understand the dynamic and how it is so widespread and popular.

Just look on SeekingArrangement.com, SugarDaddie.com or Craig’s List and you see that the thriving beneficial relationship exchange is in full throttle action. Wealthy men tout their net worth to young damsels in distress, and desperate young women present themselves much like fruit stand vendors at a farmer’s market. After all, it is a fair exchange, right? No one is getting hurt. No one that is, except the wives of these married men and much like Regina Lasko, David Letterman’s wife, they are hurt tremendously when they find out.

So why do the young mistresses participate. Don’t they have solidarity with the wife knowing that someday they too will be someone’s wife? What are they thinking and how can they justify the relationship with a married man? Most of these young women do want to have their own husband someday and do, deep down, think their married benefactors are jerks. But they are in it for themselves, and what they can get out of it. These young woman are struggling with financial responsibilities such as college tuition, low paying jobs or single motherhood, and the financial assistance of an older, financially generous man in exchange for sex sounds a lot easier than working two, or even three, jobs for a fraction of the money. He may not be as cute as the tattooed bartender she is really dating, but then again, the tattooed bartender is riding his skateboard to work and expects to go “Dutch” on a date. The older man is indeed married but this makes the arrangement all the more beneficial to her because she really isn’t that sexually attracted to him anyway. She is just willing to go through the motions to get a monthly allowance, or perhaps a new car, house or law degree. The fact that he is married means that he thankfully, won’t be spending the night, won’t insist they go out in public, and won’t know that her real boyfriend will be coming over shortly after he leaves. Her only requirement is to put on the party face when Sugar Daddy beckons and stroke his ego enough so that he won’t dump her for another damsel in distress if he gets bored. The secret is hers to keep and although, she most certainly has a real boyfriend somewhere on the side with whom she actually does like having sex with, and although the said boyfriend ever so often wonders how she can afford her lifestyle on her graphic designer salary, she is content with the arrangement.

The married man seeking a mistress simply wants a no-strings-attached, sexually-titillating, relationship with a smiling, sexy, warm, eager, woman who has open arms whenever he calls, and an open door policy when ever he wants to leave. He can make love to a happy girl in the privacy of an apartment, or house (that is most likely provided by him) and he never has to endure the doldrums of reality. With her it is candlelight, slow music, sexy lingerie and erotic sex. With his wife at home it is about teacher’s conferences, broken washing machines, dinner at the in laws and a headache from the kids. When he is with his mistress he is the hero and only has to pay a monthly allowance, or provide spending money, outfits or baubles on occasions, and he gets to play out his fantasies of the successful businessman who has “made it”. Although he may have a happy marriage at home, and may love his wife and family dearly, married sex is just that, well- married sex.

The mutually beneficial arrangement relationship is not just about sex however it is also about power. According to the New York Post, David Letterman took his mistress on vacation with his family in the Caribbean. I have heard many examples of married men stowing away their lovers on family vacations, even if it is just for a few hours at a hotel room, doors down from the family beach house. The ability to keep a mistress is a luxury item for these financially successful men and this translates into a very powerful ego boost. Men who keep mistresses are often experiencing midlife crises, and as they see their youth and virility slipping away, they seek the thrill of a secret lover, even if she is being paid for her love. In fact, the financial exchange only heightens the feeling of power and the secrecy that is hidden in plain site even heightens it more.

The young woman flying in for the secret rendezvous during family vacations is thinking that she has the better deal. From her perspective, it is better to be the whore than the wife. The whore gets the happy mood, expensive gifts, loving sex and gets to leave when it is over. The wife gets the stresses of his complicated life, expensive bills, boring sex and has to stay and wash his dirty laundry and raise his spoiled kids. Not only that but the wife is being made the fool, and the whore gets to be in on the joke.

So, as sad as the scenario appears to be, from my perspective the mutually beneficial arrangement does seem to thrive. As long as there are young women willing to have sex for money, and wealthy men willing to pay for love, there will be arrangement relationships between younger women and older, married men. For the wives who find out, like David Letterman’s wife, Regina Lasko, they are forced to decide if they are going to accept the extramarital relationship or leave. They have to weigh the benefits of being in a financially secure marriage, against the emotional pain of knowing that their husband is sexually involved with another woman. Sadly, many wives choose to ignore it and stay.

For more information, contact Melinda Maximova, matchmaker with Perfect Search

melinda@theperfectsearch.com

Send $15. for Counseling Advice

Send $15. and I will answer any relationship, sexual or dating question. I will spend up to 1/2 hour on the question.